


I Won't Say I'm In Love

by JTxBojan



Category: One Direction, One Direction (Band)
Genre: First Time, M/M, request
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-21
Updated: 2012-10-21
Packaged: 2017-11-16 18:45:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/542655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JTxBojan/pseuds/JTxBojan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s the same old story every day: Louis comes into your hotel room; flops himself down onto your bed next to you and just talks to you. And the two of you lay there for hours, just talking. About everything and nothing. And every single time Louis opens his mouth to speak, you just want to lean in and press your lips against his. After every single sentence his says, you just want to blurt out an “I love you”. But you don’t. You don’t do either of those things.</p><p>You want to, you <i>really</i> do. But you just can’t. Louis knows you love him. He knows exactly how you feel about him, because he feels the exact same way about you. He can tell that you love him just by looking into your eyes. And you know he knows. But you can’t bring yourself to actually admit it to him. Or to anyone else. </p><p>It’s too cliché, you think to yourself. It’s not worth it. It’s not worth the pain that’s eventually going to come hunting you down. None of it is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Won't Say I'm In Love

**Author's Note:**

> Edandwill on Tumblr requested a fiction where Harry won't admit he's in love with Louis, but eventually changes his mind and tells Louis - along with the rest of the world on the last show of their tour. Re-posted from my Tumblr.

A growled “Fuck you”. An intense glare. A slam of a door. A feeling of regret. That’s all you’re left with.

“Fuck.” You mutter to yourself, feeling defeated. It’s a feeling you should be used to by now, seeing you do this pretty much every day. But you’re not used to it. And you don’t think you ever will be.

It’s the same old story every day: Louis comes into your hotel room; flops himself down onto your bed next to you and just talks to you. And the two of you lay there for hours, just talking. About everything and nothing. And every single time Louis opens his mouth to speak, you just want to lean in and press your lips against his. After every single sentence his says, you just want to blurt out an “I love you”. But you don’t. You don’t do either of those things.

You want to, you _really_ do. But you just can’t. Louis knows you love him. He knows exactly how you feel about him, because he feels the exact same way about you. He can tell that you love him just by looking into your eyes. And you know he knows. But you can’t bring yourself to actually admit it to him. Or to anyone else. 

It’s too cliché, you think to yourself. It’s not worth it. It’s not worth the pain that’s eventually going to come hunting you down. None of it is. 

You’ve been through it before; the pain, the heartache and the tears. You’ve been broken into pieces by the person you loved and who was supposed to love you back, more than once. And you won’t let it happen again.

You’re terrified. Terrified of opening your heart to Louis. Terrified of actually telling him how you feel, because even though he already knows, if you tell him there will be no going back. If you tell him, you can’t take your words back, and if you tell him, you’re also giving him the chance to break your heart. Just like everybody else. You can’t let that happen. Not again. Your heart wouldn’t be able to handle it.

So you deny. You deny everything. You deny all the feelings you have towards Louis, even though everyone can see them in your eyes. You deny wanting him. You deny loving him. You deny all of it. It’s hurting you, and it’s hurting Louis, but at least it hurts less than having your heart broken would. 

There’s a knock on the door and you sigh. 

“It’s open.” You call, listening as the door opens and closes as someone steps into the room. 

“I saw Louis.” Liam’s voice makes you open your eyes and look at him. “He was very upset.” Liam continues.

“And you’re telling me this why?” You ask, giving Liam a look of pure ignorance, even though you know he can see straight through you.

“Don’t play dumb with me, Harry. What happened? What did you do?” Liam wants to know, and there’s an accusing tone to his voice. You flinch.

“I didn’t do anything.” You mutter.

“So it’s the same as always?” Liam asks, and you should’ve known he knew exactly what happened. 

“Yeah.” You admit, and you shake your head to yourself. “I don’t know what to do, Liam. I don’t want to hurt him. But I don’t know how to stop it.” You sigh, again in a defeated manner and you watch as Liam comes walking over to the bed and sits down on the edge of it next to you.

“How about you stop trying to pretend like you don’t love him?” Liam suggests, and you instantly shake your head.

“No. No, I won’t. I can’t.” You say, making Liam sigh.

“You can’t keep lying to yourself and everyone else, Harry. It’s not fair towards you, and it’s certainly not fair towards Louis. Look, I know you’re scared and I know you’ve been hurt in the past, but you can’t let that keep you from opening your heart again forever. You have to take a chance, Harry. You’ll only end up regretting it if you don’t.” Liam explains. You shake your head again.

“But I can’t, Liam. What if it goes wrong? What if he ends up breaking my heart? Or what if I end up screwing up and breaking his in the process? It would ruin everything.” You say, looking at Liam with desperate and confused eyes. He meets your gaze. 

“You can’t base your life on ‘what-ifs’, Harry. You can’t live your life being scared of opening your heart because you’ve been hurt in the past. If it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t work out. You’ll deal with it. But there’s a big chance it will work out, because let’s face it; it’s you and Louis. You’ve been meant to be since the moment you met. You just have to try, Harry. You’ve got nothing to lose.” Liam says, and as his words sink in, you realise that he’s right.

Liam can tell that he’s gotten through to you, because you’re not saying anything. You’re just sitting there, letting it wash over you that Liam is, in fact, right. 

“I can’t tell you how to do it, Harry. But you need to tell him how you feel. Or else it’s going to be too late when you eventually pluck up the courage to do it.” Liam says, and you nod your head in agreement. 

“I know. I’ll figure something out.” You say, lifting your gaze and looking at Liam, giving him a small smile. “Thanks Liam.” 

Liam smiles back at you as he gets up and walks out of your hotel room. When the door closes behind you, you’re once again left alone with your thoughts. 

You’re not sure how you’re going to do this, but you know you have to do it soon. And you have a lot to make up for, so it needs to be great. It needs to be perfect. And just like that, you know exactly how you’re going to do it.

\------------------------------

“Thank you, London! You guys have been amazing!” Liam says into the microphone at the end of the final show of their tour, which they played in London. The crowd goes wild at Liam’s words and all five band members on stage can’t help but smile.

“It has been lovely playing for you guys tonight, and we really hope you enjoyed our show! We will definitely be back to play here again sometime!” Zayn shoots in, once again making the crowd go wild. 

You take a deep breath. This is it. This is your chance. Don’t fuck it up.

“Before we call it a night, though… There’s something I would like to say.” You say, and the crowd continues to cheer for a long moment before they slowly go silent.

“For the past year or so, I have been causing someone who means very, very much to me a lot of pain because I’ve been afraid.” You start, and it’s now so quiet you could probably hear a pin drop to the floor. 

“I’ve been afraid of being honest about how I feel, and I’ve been afraid of opening up because of my fear of being hurt. I thought it would be the best thing for me, I thought that it would be the safest option. However, I never once thought about how much my fear was hurting someone else – someone I would much rather die for than to ever hurt them. And I’ve finally realised it now. I’ve finally realised that it’s okay to be afraid. But that doesn’t mean I should hide away my heart and my feelings forever. A good friend of mine made me see that.” You say, and you glance sideways at Liam, giving him a small smile. He just stares at you in surprise and you turn back to the crowd. 

“I’m still afraid, but I will no longer let that fear keep me from trying to be happy.” You continue, and then you turn around to your right, where Louis is standing, his eyes wide in shock and confusion as he stares at you.

“Louis, I’m so sorry for hurting you. It was never my intention and I’m so sorry for being so selfish and only thinking about myself. I hope you can find it in your heart to someday forgive me for it, but if you can’t, then I understand.” You say, and you can hear a loud gasp echoing from the entire crowd. You take a step closer to Louis, your eyes not leaving his.

“I’m sorry I never told you how I felt before now, and I won’t blame you for not caring if this is coming too late. But I just need you to know.” You continue, and you’re now standing right in front of Louis, close enough to touch him. And so you do just that.

You lift one of your hands and you use it to gently cup his cheek. Louis just stands there, as if he’s nailed to the ground, continuing to stare at you in shock and confusion.

“Louis William Tomlinson, I love you with all of my heart and I have loved you since the moment I first laid eyes on you. I should have told you that at the very beginning, but I didn’t. And I regret it every single day. I know it’s probably too little too late, but it needed to be said. I love you.” You say, keeping your hand on Louis’ cheek as you gaze into his eyes. 

His eyes are full of shock, surprise and confusion and it looks like he has no idea what to do or say. The crowd is still totally silent, probably all of them in shock after your declaration of love towards Louis.

The silence is almost deafening, and you’re starting to worry that you might have just made the biggest mistake of your life. Your heart is pounding away wildly in your chest and you really wish that someone would say something, anything just so you would be rid of the silence. But nobody says anything. No, instead of saying anything, Louis just reaches up, fists his hands in your shirt and pulls you close, pressing his lips against yours in a kiss that is long overdue.

Another gasp is heard from the crowd, but you don’t care. All you care about is the fact that Louis is kissing you, and you’re kissing him back. Your hand is still on Louis’ cheek as you pull away for air, and his hands are still fisted in your shirt.

“Don’t you _ever_ make me wait that long again.” Louis says, gazing deep into your eyes and you instantly shake your head.

“I won’t.” You promise, and Louis leans in and kisses you again.

“I love you too.” He whispers against your lips, but everyone hears it because Louis is wearing a wireless microphone. And just like that, the crowd erupts into loud cheers. 

Neither you nor Louis can help but smile at the sound of the crowd cheering, but neither of you pay any more attention to it. You’re both too lost in each other’s eyes to focus on anything but each other.

“Okay, we really didn’t expect that…” Liam suddenly says, and both you and Louis turn your attention to him.

“But it was long overdue and I just want to make it perfectly clear that we are all behind Harry and Louis 100%. We have waited ages for this to happen, and even though Harry caught us all by surprise, we couldn’t be happier for them.” Liam finishes, looking from the crowd and over at you and Louis.

You smile at him, and you mouth “Thank you”. Liam just smiles back at you and nods his head.

“Alright, give it up for Harry and Louis finally making Larry Stylinson official!” Zayn says with a grin, and the crowd goes wild with applause and cheers. 

You turn back to Louis and lean in to kiss him. He kisses you back and smiles against your lips.

“Took you long enough…” He mumbles against your lips.

“I’m so sorry, Louis, I really am, I should’ve…” You begin, but Louis cuts you off by kissing you again.

“Shut up. Just kiss me.” Louis says with a smile as he pulls back again. And your face breaks out into a wide grin at his words.

“Okay.” You reply, and with that, you lean in and kiss him again, like you should’ve kissed him ages ago. 

And finally, _finally_ , you’re not afraid to say that you’re in love.


End file.
